Disclaimers: Joss owns all the BTVS characters, I own the rest. I make no claim to his.

Title: No Doubt own the song, not me. Yes, kiddies, I got this cd for Xmas.

Dedications: To No Doubt, they have inspired the last 15 chapters. Rock and roll, baby. Also to Dream Frequence, nice hands.

 

Faith's POV

 

Slayers Do Christmas XLIII - S - T - A - R - I - N - G, I Guess I'm Staring

 

What the fuck?

Who are these two?

Gotta say, if the wings are anything to go by, I'm saying they're on our side.

I look out the mesh and Lucy's flapping her arms about, majorly pissed off at their arrival, and Dis is waving at them, smiling.

This is all too much!

What with B's announcement and outing us both to Dawn, God and the Devil, I'm about ready to get on my knees, and beg for some medication to knock me out.

 

'Oh, great, the cavalry have arrived! Does Dizzy know you two are here?'

 

The taller blonde one bows and opens up first.

 

'Your eminence, we beg your forgiveness, but we're not going to sit on a cloud and watch some fixed battle going down!'

 

Then the brunette throws her two cents in.

 

'Yeah, what's with the shit odds? I mean... your eminence, why's Lucy been allowed to fight an Angel?'

 

'Gabrielle, Michelle, the battle allows for any two chosen fighters. They've both filled out the disclaimers and paperwork. My hands are tied!'

 

Both the Angels snort and start whispering to each other.

I'm sat here, like a chump.

Dawn's frozen in mid hug, B's panic lighting a smoke and Elle's gritting her teeth, so hard, I wouldn't be surprised if they all fell out.

 

It's like some freak assed, West Side Story remake!

 

Then blondey starts yapping again.

 

'Does your eminence, and her sluttiness know that by allowing the Slayer to take part in the battle, you've made it null and void? I'm going to have to go and get the union representative!'

 

She shouts the last part over to Lucy who looks like her head's going to blow up.

Can't say I'd be that fuckin' bothered.

 

A slow smile spreads over Elle's face.

 

'Of course! Null and void people, everyone out of the arena now! Come on, or my Angels are going to bring Azriella down and she'll put so many points on your license, Lucy, you'll never get your offices reinsured next year!'

 

'We're in the middle of deciding the fate of Dawnie-pie, Elle. What total crap is this?'

 

Lucy storms up, the enclosure disappearing into thin air, and stops, just short of the two Angels.

Man, they're all so tall in Heaven.

Blondies feeling feisty, 'cause she steps right up to Lucy, prodding her in the chest.

Cat fight alert!

 

'Listen, rules are rules. You fought the Slayer, your sluttiness. She hadn't signed herself in to the battle. You've forfeited. You lose, we win.'

 

'Elle? Tell your girls to back off, before I crush their bones, and use them as an exfoliant!'

 

'Lucy, they're right. The battle stops here, the unions will drag you through the River of Stix if you carry on. And as there's no battle, then your claim to Dawn's soul ends here. Well I'm feeling resolved, how about everyone else? Good, come on then, lets go home!'

 

'Elle?! What horse shit is this? Couldn't your girls have come down a bit sooner? Like, before my top got massacred? Fucking unions are going to be the death of me. And you can wipe that smile of your face Michelle!'

 

Blondey growls and starts to take up a battle pose, Lucy doing the same.

Should the theme tune to High Noon be playing?

 

'Bite me, your sluttines!'

 

That's it, I'm officially over the edge with all this!

 

'Shut the fuck up, all of you! Lucy, you forfeit, Elle, call your dogs off, and someone get my a smoke!'

 

B slowly walks over to me, eyeing the Angels carefully, and hands me a cig.

There is a God!

Shit, I need to change that expression.

I inhale on this little stick of death, and thank whoever invented them.

 

'That was me, Faith. You didn't think Elle had a hand in making tiny sticks that rot you from the inside out, did you?'

 

'I don't care anymore, about anything. I'm tired, I want my cuz back, I want to go home and crawl into bed, go to sleep, wake up tomorrow, and not have to be thinking about any of this. Dis, man, get your ass over here!'

 

She jogs over, gives the girls in white a big hug, whispers something to them and they salute her and disappear.

Two down, two to go.

 

'Oh, fine, I concede. Dawn's soul's free! I'll get Bee to draw the paperwork up and we'll fax it up to your admin, ok, happy now?'

 

Elle links arms with Lucy, and nudges her with her hip.

 

'Very, Luce. Dizzy? I'm going to make sure Miss Naughty Pants does the paperwork, I'll see you later on, ok? Dawn, Buffy, Faith? I'll see you girls around. Happy Christmas!'

 

With that they both get gone in some huge flash of light.

Finally, man, finally, it's just me, my girls, and my crushed arm that's spinning my head round like some nasty fairground ride.

 

And that's when I grab the chance to pass the fuck out!