I should've put more in the card,
I know I should've!
Ok, knock.
No, don't knock, she'll freak!
You're here now; KNOCK!
There.
She's not in, I'll go.
Fuckin' Hell, Faith, give it more
than two seconds!
Breathe and stay calm.
If she wants to slap you one, then
let her.
Just, be cool.
The door opens and I can't help
but smile, she looks...
FUCK!
'Jeez, B. Nothing says thank you
for flowers, more than a backhand across the face!'
Yeah, so much for cool, Faith,
you cretin.
'You... you...! Argh! Go away,
Faith!'
She slams the door, hard.
Ok, so that went, you know, better
than expected.
I'm not lying in a pool of my own
blood, so, yeah, she's warming to me.
I knock again and the door swings
open in a second.
Was she waiting behind it or...
I get a facefull of mashed up flowers
and the door slammed again.
'B? Should I have got you
roses instead?'
Hey, best that the flowers took
a beatin' instead of me.
What do I do now?
What would someone who's romantic
do?
Probably not have got themselves
in this in the first place, that's for sure.
Remember what Dis said 'Don't be
negative and don't come back 'til you sort things out!'
Jeez, I'm gonna be sleeping out
on her porch at this rate.
I knock again and wait.
And wait.
And wait.
So I knock again, and again and
again and again and again.
Hey, got a bit of a rhythm going
here.
My feet start tapping along to
the beat, but the door suddenly swings open, almost taking my
hand with it!
'Yes?'
Huh?
Ok, keep on your toes in case she
swings one at you, Faith.
'Hey.'
Hey?
You've had two months to think,
and all you got is 'hey'?
I'm a lost cause, really.
'What do you want? I'm busy, Faith.'
She's doing that drumming fingers
thing she does when she's really pissed.
Don't smile or she'll rip your
head off!
'I wanted to come round and say
hi. Tell you I'm back from LA, shit, I don't know. I missed you
and all, B.'
'Oh, ok. Thanks.'
The door slams again.
I lean against the door jam and
knock again.
Shit, this is gonna be a long
night.
The door opens again, not so violently
this time.
Don't think the hinges have got
much life left in them after all this.
'Faith, I'm really busy!'
'You need any help?'
'No, but if I did I'd call one
of my friends and ask them to come over. Now go
away before I call the police.'
She slams the door, again.
Yeah, she's warming to me, I can
feel it.
I knock and the door opens before
I even get my fist down on it a second time.
'FAITH! WHAT?!'
'You missed me then?'
I close my eyes as she screams my
name out.
'FAITH!!! Go
away!'
Ouch, major decibels, there.
I open them again; the door hasn't
shut, but she looks seriously pissed.
'You look nice, B.'
She does, she always does.
'Faith? I'm in my sweats, they've
got paint all over them and they're not ironed. It's impossible
for me to look nice in clothes that a tramp wouldn't wear. Look,
I'm really busy, for the hundredth time, what do you
want?'
What do I want?
YOU!
Yeah, don't say that though, she'll
beat your sorry ass into the sidewalk.
Think of something!
Quickly, Faith!
'Can I have a glass of water?'
Oh My God?!
You just need to shut the fuck
up Faith, like, what the Hell was that?!
I stare at her and she closes her
eyes, shakes her head, and I see a little smile try and get onto
her face.
Hey, I'll take looking like a moron
if it gets that response.
'A glass of water? You came over
here for a glass of water? Faith, you have taps in your apartment.'
'I know, but it always tastes nicer
over here. I'm kinda dry, B. You want to get me wet? I mean, the
water thing, drinking water. Please don't throw a glass over me.
I just did my make-up.'
Don't start with the sex talk,
Faith.
Even I know this isn't
the time or place for it.
She looks at me, and I swear I
can hear the argument going on in her head.
Probably babbling away at herself
at the speed of Buffy.
'Ok, one glass of water, then you
have to go, ok?'
'I'm not real thirsty so one will
be fine, thank you.'
I think Giles has taken over my
mouth!
I follow her to the kitchen and
see flower heads all over the floor.
'You kept the important bits then,
I mean, sure, throw the stems, they're just green and crappy.
This way you don't have to put them in water, just, you know,
a big bowl.'
She glares at me and I shut up
and take the glass of water.
She's looking at me, tapping her
fingers on the worktop, and I can't help smiling.
'B, I can't drink if you're gonna
watch me. It's private, give me some space will you!'
She rolls her eyes and turns her
back on me, but those fingers are still tapping away.
If I knew Morse code, I bet there'd
be about a hundred swear words in that 'tune'.
I just stand there.
What do I do?
She turns back after a while and
throws her hands up.
'Faith, I thought you said you
were thirsty?'
'I'm under pressure B. You're making
me nervous with all the tapping, it's putting me off.'
There's an almost smile again.
I got her on the ropes now.
'It's water, just drink it and
go.'
'See, now I don't want it. You've
spoilt the experience. Too much pressure, B.'
'Faith, I'm doing Christmas wrapping
and I have to finish before mom and Dawnie get back.'
'I know how to make bow out of
ribbon.'
Seriously, I do.
Don't ask me where the Hell I learnt
it, but I did.
'You know how to tie ribbon? Drink
your water, Faith, just... argh, drink it!'
'No, I'm not shittin' you. I know
how to make those nice, neat, little bows, I can get the ends
all twirly to. Utilise me while I'm here, B. Look, it'll give
me a chance to relax, so I can drink my water. What do you say?'
Silence.
Better than her shoving me out
the door.
'Ok, but you're not allowed to
say anything to me. You're only here to tie the ribbon, ok?'
I nod and pretend to lock my mouth
with a key.
I lift her hand up and open her
clenched fist gently, putting the pretend key in her palm and
slowly closing it back again.
She rolls her eyes and I follow
her upstairs.
Round one to Faith.
Only another eleven to go.
