Disclaimers: Joss owns them, not me, I make no claims.
Comments: This WILL END UP HAPPY! I GOD DAMN SWEAR!
Date Stamp: 28.11.01 Kitty wrote this.

 

Rating and Warning: NC-17. This is NOT happy, this is very very very nasty. Please be warned.

 

Buffy's POV

 

Slayers Do Vegas XXXV - Dead Inside

 

I've got everything I think?
Milkshakes, taco's, tostada's..yup.
I push the door open and walk back into the room.
Empty.
Where's she gone now?

 

I put the food down on the table and go into the bathroom to get some paper towel's so we can wipe our hands.
Mexican is messy stuff when...
SHIT!

 

'God, I didn't know you were in here! Why were you showering again?'

 

'I felt dirty.'

 

Still in a mood!
She's got her leathers on but only her bra and as I turn to leave I see something that makes my breath catch.

 

'Faith...?'

 

'Hey, can you get out of here while I get changed?'

 

'No... Faith, what's that?'
I move over to her and she backs up a little, but I grab her shoulders and spin her round.

 

Why has she got scratches all over her back?
I just look at them.
Scratches?
Why has she got scratches all over her back?

 

A flash.
My nails down her back.
Her face above mine, my body under hers, her fingers...
No!
I would have remembered!
NO!
I wouldn't have forgotten that!
I wouldn't.

 

But...
But I did.

 

'WHO DID THIS?'

 

She spins round, knocking my hands away from her.
She's got tears in her eyes.
Faith doesn't cry... why's she got tears in her eyes?

 

Oh my god!
What have I done!
What have I said?!
I couldn't remember...

 

'GET OUT!'

 

'No! NO! I did that... I did that to you, didn't I?! Faith? I couldn't remember... I just...'

 

Her tears are making their way down her cheeks.

 

'What the fuck does it matter who did it to me, just get out, leave me alone, B, please.'

 

Oh my god, what have I done?
Faith, what have I done?

 

'Faith, I... please talk to me... we need to talk about, what happened, please.'

 

'You want to talk now? Has Buffy Summers decided that she wants to talk? Does that mean that Faith has to listen? WELL MAYBE I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ONE MOTHERFUCKIN' WORD YOU HAVE TO SAY!'

 

She's up so close I can feel her breath on my face, hitting me.

 

A flash.
Me kissing her, me telling her I loved her.
Me touching her.
My fingers inside her!

 

NO!
OH MY GOD!
NO!
I DIDN'T REMEMBER!

 

'What did we do, Faith, please, say it.'

I can feel tears in my eyes now, matching hers.
I watch as her face turns into a snarl.

 

'What did we do? You want me to tell you what we did? I'll show you.'

 

She grabs my shoulders and spins me round, pushing me into the basin top.
Crushing me against it.
Pushing her body into mine.
Hurting me.
Her hands drag mine behind my back and hold them there.
I can't move?!
DAMN IT!

 

'Faith! Let me go! Jesus! I'm sorry!'

 

'SORRY?'
She hisses the word in my ear.

 

'You're sorry, B? You want to know what we did! THIS! THIS IS WHAT WE DID!'
I feel a hand at the front of my shirt, ripping it open.
I-can't-move!
FUCK!

 

'THIS IS WHAT WE DID!'
I can see the snarl on her face, reflected in the mirror.
Her hand tightening its grip on my arms, stopping the blood in them.

 

'Faith, you're hurting me!'

 

Her fingers on my breasts, squeezing them roughly, hurting me.
Then on the buttons of my pants.
NO!

 

'FAITH! LET ME GO!'

 

Her hand pulling at the zipper.
NO!
OH MY GOD!
I feel tears on my face.
Her hand pushing down into my panties as her other one crushes my arms.
Please, no!
A sob escapes from my throat, then another and another as I realise what she's going to do.

 

'This is what we did, B!'

 

'Faith, I'm sorry, please, I'm so sorry!'

 

'Don't be sorry. Be happy you broke me!'

 

'Faith, please you're hurting me... oh my god, please, please not like this. Don't rape me!'

 

Then she's gone from me and my body falls down on the counter.
I push myself up and turn round and she's standing, tears streaming down her face, her eyes wide.
She turns her hands over, looking at them.

 

'B? I wasn't ... I mean... no... I wouldn't have... oh god!'

 

She's backing up into the corner.
Sobbing.

 

What have I done?
What did she almost do?
This isn't happening!
NO!

 

I watch her fall to her knees, sobbing, crying out.
'I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, B, what have I done? Oh god what have I done?'

 

I do my pants up on automatic and move over to her, slowly.

 

'Faith?'

 

She looks up at me and her face breaks me in two, slices through me, rips into me.

 

Why couldn't I remember?
This wouldn't have happened if I'd have just...

 

I kneel down in front of her and hesitantly reach out to her.
Her body is wracked with sobs.
I pull her slowly into an embrace, I can feel her tensing under my touch.

 

'How can you touch me after... that, after what I did?'

 

'Because you didn't, that's why. Maybe things will be different when this all... I don't know. For now, I can do this, we can do this, ok?'

 

She relaxes and I hold her, tight.

 

For now I can touch you.

 

For now.